Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
