My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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