You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
