no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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