its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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