The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Are we still banned from the library?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
