just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize