New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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