went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
