Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
