I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
