I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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