i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
