too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
