I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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