i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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