I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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