3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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