Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
