I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
