either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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