Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
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