im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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