dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Well I just put wine in my tea
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
