How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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