We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
