i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
