girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
