atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She announced her abortion via fbk
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
