I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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