i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
