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I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
