Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
