Sponge bath it is.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
do nipples grow back?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
