someone get that fucking seahorse.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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