she looked like the before picture.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
