no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
