So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think a kid would responsible me up
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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