i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
