be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
