dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
