how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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