she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
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