What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It's rum buckets o'clock
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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