my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
