I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
