i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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