is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
