Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
