i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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